N is for Neal
by Sunkissed Guacamole
Summary: Neal. From Kel's point of view. From A to Z. A series of oneshots that can be read in no particular order but probably make more sense when read, well, alphabetically.
1. A is for Annoying

I got this idea in my head and it wouldn't leave me alone. So. To kill time that should be spent doing AP US History notes, I am writing this. Ah well. Enjoy anyway.

* * *

A is for Annoying

…

Yes, I love him, and yes, he is my best friend, but Gods! Sometimes Neal can be downright annoying.

Neal and his hair. The way it falls into his eyes so I can't look into them properly is annoying. The way he flicks it, _trying_ to get it out of his eyes, is annoying.

Neal and his mouth. The way it twitches whenever I go all "Protector of the Small" (as he likes to call it) is annoying. The way it sometimes never shuts up when he's off in a tirade is annoying. The way it runs away with him when he's already in enough trouble as it is, is annoying. The way it complains and doesn't really mean anything is annoying. The way it stubbornly closes when in the presence of vegetables is annoying.

Neal and his hands. They never stop moving. The way they fly about his head like birds is annoying. The way the poke and prod into things that aren't Neal's is annoying.

Neal and his attitude. He thinks he knows all. He acts as if he doesn't really care one way or the other. When really, he does care. And it's annoying.

Neal and his Healer-ness. Why did we let Neal become a Healer? Sure, he's good at it, but believe it or not, he can be _very_ annoying when he's trying to cure you of the sniffles.

Neal and Yuki. Oh how he pines over Yuki. Now _that's_ annoying.

* * *

**I do have to say that this is my worst one**. They really do get better...starting at C. Or at least I think so...I might re-do this one. I dunno.


	2. B is for Bombastic

**Alrighty. Here we go. The letter B. This took me FOREVER for some reason. I don't know why...it's so short...special thanks to JANNI!! **

**:D**

* * *

B is for Bombastic

…  


_Bombastic: a use or a user of language more elaborate than is justified by or appropriate to the content being expressed.  
_  
Neal is one for the pretentious speeches, the grandiose explanations, and the flowery descriptions. He uses large words. Many of them. All strung together to make partially coherent sentences.

Particularly bothersome are those occasions when Neal tries to make a point. He works up this extravagant justification, but when he actually gets to the point, it's not even really a point.

He can't just say: "Yes" or "No." It takes him minutes to finish responding to a simple question. His answer has to be elaborate, and then he has to explain _why _he gave that specific answer. Elaborately.

I remember Neal describing romance to me once. He described it as "drama, importance, and transcendent passion." I shook my head at him. I still shake my head.

He calls it "being educated"

I call it being bombastic.

* * *

** I have one thing to say. Bombastic VOCAB WORD!! Thanks little red vocabulary workshop book! Oh and reviews are much appreciated!  
**


	3. C is for Captive

So here it is. The letter C. Here I am procrastinating and not doing my APUSH homework. Again. -ducks flying objects thrown by Janni ('cause she wants me to actually pass that class...)- Anyways...Let's move on. 

* * *

C is for Captive

…

Neal was always the type to fall in and out of love. He would swoon over a pretty lady and attempt to suffer in secret. Then he would give up on the secrecy and share all of his horribly cringe worthy poetry with us. He would say it was just to get another opinion, but I knew better. He liked the attention.

So I watched, month-by-month, as he found a newer, prettier, smarter girl to fall in love with. I patted his shoulder and looked sympathetic as he pined over the girl who had stolen his heart.

When Neal met Yuki, I thought she was going to be just like all of his previous crushes, in and out of his mind before he could do anything serious about it. But then I noticed something different. I grew suspicious when I didn't hear his usual lovesick yowling or melodramatic declarations. It wasn't until later, as an ashen Neal came out of the Chamber and Yuki gave him her precious _shukusen_, that I realized what was different.

Yuki hadn't stolen his heart. She was holding it captive.

* * *

Wow. It's amazing what a little cabbage and diet coke will do to your brain. I've never had cabbage before. It was interesting. And it starts with the letter C.

Who's excited for the new LOST 2 hour season premiere on the 31st?!  
-raises hand- Anyone?


	4. D is for Dead

Alrighty. Here we go. NUMBAH D. Heh. I love it when people do that. Again, this was done when I should have been doing something else. Studying for my Chemistry final. WOO. GO SCIENCE! Not.   


* * *

D is for Dead

…

"Neal," I began, turning in my saddle to shoot him a glare.

"Yes?" he prompted, batting his eyelashes at me. Unable to find a description for the amount of pain he was about to endure, I just reached for my glaive.

"You are a dead man," Owen supplied, spotting my glaive, before kicking his horse into a gallop and fleeing up the road. I now held my glaive in my hands, barely noticing, my attention fixed on Neal. He looked down at the glaive positioned inches from his heart, then back up at me. I narrowed my eyes even more, edging closer. He only grinned at me before nudging his horse into a trot and fluttering his fingers at me in a cheery wave as he was carried out of harm's way.

"He couldn't have minded his own business, just this once?" I asked the empty air, when Neal was safely out of earshot. The answer had formed itself in my mind almost before I had even asked the pointless question. "No." Neal could not, and would not, mind his own business. It is in his nature to stick his nose in where it doesn't belong. Asking Neal to keep his nose to himself is like asking a Stormwing to bathe. It just doesn't happen.

I sighed, resigned to the fact that Neal had, albeit successfully, "set me up" with his cousin. I should have known better than to trust Yuki with the precious information that I had fallen for a certain blue-eyed sergeant.

Just then, a thought occurred to me, and a plan formed in my head. I urged Peachblossom to catch up with Neal, smoothing my features of the grin that had planted itself there.

"Neal, I have made a decision," I began as Peachblossom drew level with Neal's horse. He looked at me, quirking a brow.

"Contrary to popular belief, I am in fact, _not _going to kill you."

"I knew you'd come to your senses!" said Neal, a satisfied smirk on his lips. "It took you long enough. Although, if I may ask, what brought about this change of heart?"

"Oh nothing really," I replied, attempting nonchalance, "just the realization that if I killed you now, there wouldn't be much of you left for Yuki to kill when I tell her about a certain incident at the Dancing Dove a few months ago concerning a ball of twine, some whipped cream, and the crown prince of Tortall…" I trailed off, letting my words sink in.

"You wouldn't _dare_," he said venomously, eyes narrowed.

"I would." I smiled, waved and nudged Peachblossom into a trot, attempting to get a head start before Neal realized that he had his sword with him.

"Mindelan!" I heard him yell after me as I was racing to catch up with Owen. "You. Are. _Dead_!"

* * *

Hm. What d'you think eh? I like it. And it's a smidge longer than the others. 


	5. E is for Eavesdropper

So. Inspiration struck in the form of the "E" section of the dictionary. Heh. Hope you like. **A companion to D is for Dead.** Because I was too lazy to actually think of a fresh idea.

* * *

E is for Eavesdropper

…

In all the years I have known Neal, I have never come across anyone as sneaky or as devious as he is when it comes to the art of eavesdropping. Some may argue that the Lioness' husband George or his employees who actually _spy_ for a living, may have an edge on Neal. I beg to differ. The difference, I believe, is drive. Neal isn't driven by need of intelligence or because he has a job to do. He isn't eavesdropping to save lives or to help the country fight enemies. No, Neal eavesdrops for a more worthy cause: _himself_.

Neal cannot live his life without knowing. He _must_ know, so he _must_ listen. Especially to things that she should not be listening to. Naturally. But that has never stopped Neal in the past, and I doubt it will stop him in the future. I think that stress might also be a key to Neal's success at eavesdropping. He has the courage to go places others would not dare. I have caught Neal listening to the women talk in the bath house, disguised (very poorly) as a towel maid, just to hear what the "ladies" had to say about him. I have even caught Neal in _my_ privy on occasion. But up until recently, Neal hadn't had the pleasure of being caught listening to something that could, and quite possibly _would,_ cost him his life.

At first I was stumped. How he found out, I had no idea. I was talking to Yuki, en confidant, in the safety her bedchamber. But only after I had secured it, of course. I checked all around the window before closing it tightly, I had checked all corners of the privy and behind all the doors, curtains, chairs, everything. I even checked underneath the bed, despite Yuki's slightly amused and annoyed face, for any sign that Neal was there or had been recently.

When I was sure the coast was clear and we were truly and utterly alone, I spilled my insides out. She, of course, burst into hysterics. She was so pleased that I had found someone at last. She brushed aside my worries about him not feeling the same way and proceeded to tell me that she had "known it all along."

So when the secret was out that _Neal_ was responsible for my relationship with Dom, I literally beat the answers out of him. How, how, _how_ did he find out? He told me he had "heard it with his own ears." I scoffed. I had Neal-proofed the whole entire room, and I told him as much. He just grinned, shaking his head and tapping his nose in a gesture that clearly said: How long have you known me? I raised my practice sword again, and he hurriedly put his up in defense.

I had given him an ultimatum. Tell or die. Unfortunately he had chosen life and croaked out: "The bed!" before his sword flew out of his hands and he fell to the ground. I glowered at him and reminded him that I had checked underneath the bed, and unless he had learned some new invisibility spell, he had not been there. He positively glowed as he corrected me. I could tell he was enjoying what he was telling me and reveling in the knowledge of what my reaction would undoubtedly be. "Ah, my dear Keladry," he had said, "You did check _under_ the bed, but you did not check the bed itself."

In response to my quirked eyebrow and query of "the bed _itself_?", he had nodded and smiled before answering. "Under the covers to be exact."

It was at that exact moment that I had vowed never to enter Yuki's bed chambers again without knowing _exactly_ where Neal was. It was also the moment that Neal chose to make his escape.

* * *

EHEM. I hope you enjoyed it.

Special thanks to Janni. She puts up with me and my crap even during the apocalypse that is Valentines week.


	6. F is for Forest

"F" is a weird letter by the way.  


* * *

F is for Forest

…

"I always knew Neal was a meathead, but this is pushing the title, even for him," Dom grumbled as he picked his way out of a nest of brambles. "I mean, honestly! The Royal Forest isn't even that big! How could he get lost in here?" He continued, swiping at the bush viciously. I sighed. We had been over this many times since leaving the Palace to search for Neal, who had mysteriously disappeared into the Royal Forest with the promise "be back in two hours!" 

After three hours, I barely noticed he was gone. After four hours I became a bit worried. After five hours, I went to his rooms. And after six hours, I decided his time was up.

So I had rounded up Dom, and he grudgingly agreed to help me search. Despite Dom's nearly constant stream of curses and complaints, I was glad I had asked him to accompany me. His apathetic attitude towards Neal's survival helped to dissuade my growing fear that maybe Neal had had an accident, and he was lying in a ditch somewhere, slowly dying a painful death.

I shook my head to clear my morbid thoughts. I was being silly. I had taken countless rides through the Royal Forest in the best and worst of weather conditions and always came back perfectly unharmed. If it weren't for the fact that it was nearly twilight when we had left and Yuki would be heartbroken if something had happened to him, we wouldn't have even bothered.

We had been searching for almost an hour, dark was rapidly approaching, but we still hadn't seen any sign of our beloved Meathead. Try as I might to deny it, worry was starting to creep up on me, and I suspected it was creeping up on Dom as well. We continued to search in silence.

"Hey!" came a cry from Dom another hour later, "I think I've found him!" He said as he pointed to the best sight I'd seen all evening. It was a thicket, branches bent aside to form a makeshift tunnel with two horses, one of which was undoubtedly Neal's, tethered outside. I eyed Peachblossom for a moment and tied him next to Magewhisper and Dom's mount before scrambling through the thorny tunnel after Dom. I crept along quietly, making as little noise as possible, not knowing what to expect. I heard a noise from up ahead that sounded suspiciously like a cough.

"Is he alright?" I called to Dom, my voice just above a whisper.

"Oh yes. He is most certainly _better_ than alright," Dom responded, his voice just as quiet. I could practically feel the annoyance in his voice.

The tunnel suddenly opened up to reveal a clearing. With soft grass and a clear view of the stars that were starting to twinkle as the sky darkened. Smack-dab in the middle lay Neal, with someone I hoped was Yuki, curled up together with the remains of a picnic supper scattered about. I let out the breath that I hadn't realized I had been holding and suddenly felt very foolish. I risked a glance at Dom standing not far from me, expecting him to be a little upset that we had come all this way to find Neal completely unharmed. Instead I saw a grin on his face and a mischievous glint in his eyes. He seemed to have gotten over his annoyance.

"Dom," I whispered, trying to keep him from doing whatever it was he was plotting to do. "I think we should leave now that we know he's alright."

"Don't worry, we will," he assured me, "just after I get even with him for...something he did a couple days ago."

I watched with apprehension as he snuck closer to the sleeping pair. Dom slowly lowered himself to a crouching position and lifted someone's hand an inch or two. I saw the flash of something shiny and probably very valuable leave the owner's finger and disappear into Dom's pocket.

"Dom, what did you do?" I hissed at him when he was in hearing range. He just winked and dragged me back into the makeshift tunnel before showing me what he had stolen. It was a ring, a beautiful ring with a single emerald teardrop in the center, surrounded on either side by a row of smaller round diamonds.

"It was on her left hand. On her ring finger." Dom softly stated in response to my open mouth. I had no doubts about who the mystery girl was now.

"They're engaged?" I whispered.

"Looks like it, Kel."

I whistled. I had known Neal was getting serious and planning a proposal, but I had no idea it would be this soon.

"You should give that back," I said, nodding to the ring in his hand, "before they wake up."

"But where would the fun be in that?" He asked, the mischievous glint returning to his eyes. Dom picked up a rock, and tossed it into the bushes on his right, startling a pair of birds into flight. The sound was enough to wake the newly engaged Neal and Yuki. They sat bolt upright, Neal reaching for the sword that was not there, and Yuki whipping out the only weapon present: her _shukusen_.

Both scanned the forest, looking for the sound of the noise. When both were reassured that there was no danger, Yuki lifted her hand. Perhaps to admire the ring, that, she quickly noticed, was no longer on her finger.

"Neal!" She cried. "It's gone!"

"What?" He asked in disbelief as he searched the vicinity with frantic eyes. "How can that be? We haven't moved!"

"I don't know," Yuki replied sounding thoroughly dismayed, "Maybe it fell off or...or...or maybe someone took it!" She cried. It was plain to see the thought upset her beyond words. I could hear Dom's muffled snickering and the sound of someone trying to make a fire. I glared at him. This was not funny at all.

"How could you do that?" I demanded. "Just look at her face!" Now I was starting to wonder what Neal could have done that would draw such a heartless gesture from the usually sweet Dom.

Dom sobered at once when he saw the uncharacteristic anger on my face, and he opened his mouth to explain. He didn't get very far before the sound of someone searching through the bushes surrounding the clearing startled even more birds into flight, one nearly hitting Dom in it's panic to get away. As Dom lunged to avoid the night-blinded bird, his feet flew out from under him, and his hands reached for the closest thing. Me.

Down we went, landing with a muffled, but audible, thud. Right into the thorns.

"Ouch," I managed to mumble before Dom's hand covered my mouth. How he managed to do so, there in the dark, while I was on top of him, I had no idea. But I did gather that whatever Dom's plan had been, falling to the ground certainly wasn't a part of it. In the tense silence that followed our tumble, I could feel Dom's heart beating against my chest and became extremely aware of his body pressed close to mine. I swallowed, thankful for the dark.

After what seemed like hours, Dom decided it was safe enough to move. I hauled myself off him, brushing dirt and other debris off my clothes. I offered Dom a hand up while squinting for the ring in the flickering dark. When his hand didn't reach for mine, I looked back at him. He was staring wide eyed at something directly behind me. I turned slowly, finally realizing the reason for the flickering. Someone had a light. And it wasn't me. Knowing exactly what I was about to see, I turned around to face them.

There stood Neal and Yuki, in identical poses, one hand on a hip, the other holding a torch, eyes narrowed, feet tapping. I gave a sheepish grin, pointed to Dom proclaiming that "he did it." and fled down the tunnel. I waited with the horses for a while, wincing as I heard raised voices and more thuds. When the three finally emerged from the thicket, I breathed a sigh of relief, for Yuki's ring was back on her finger and both Neal and Dom were reasonably alive, with only a few minor injuries.

It was silent as the four of us mounted our horses and set out, heading back to the palace. Yuki and I fell back, avoiding the tension between the two men. We had no quarrel, but Dom and Neal, on the other hand, most certainly did. Neal led us on a trail that neither Dom nor I had noticed on our way here. It was a considerably shorter route than the one Dom and I had taken earlier, and in a half an hour, I could see the dark outline of buildings between the trees. I knew Dom must have been smarting from the fact that we had taken the scenic route, but he wasn't going to say anything while he was riding next to a fuming Neal.

We reached the palace just as the gates were closing and headed to the stables. After a quick grooming, both men said a huffy goodbye to Yuki and me and stalked off in opposite directions. I exchanged a knowing look with Yuki. They would get over themselves in a few days.

"So what was that about?" She asked me.

"I don't really know," I admitted, "Dom said something about payback for something Neal did."

"Yeah that's what he said after you ran away. He also said: 'That _wasn't_ food!' before Neal turned a purple color and launched himself at Dom." She said with an accompanying eye roll. I shook my head. Boys will always be just that. Boys.

"I guess we'll never know." I commented before making my way towards my rooms and the bed that awaited me there.

* * *

Ah. "The world may never know. " Except for...YOU WILL. The letter "H" is the continuation of "F". And after I post "G" (which is already written as well) you can read "H". 

Kudos to people who guess "G". Even more kudos to people who guess "H".

And wow. This was considerably longer than "A" through "E". But don't get all excited. "G" is very short.


	7. G is for Green

Heh. I find it slightly amusing that out of every possible word in the English language that starts with the letter "G", I used a_ color_ to describe Neal.

* * *

G is for Green

…  


Neal is Green. 

They say all new knights are "green". I've always supposed it was because new lives are green, when they first poke out of the ground and they take their first look at the world. It's the same with knights, off to war with the paint still wet on their shields. An experienced knight is supposed to take every tribulation into stride, but for a "green" knight, it can be daunting.

Neal's eyes are green as well. Referred to as "emerald orbs" by Yuki in her sappy wedding vows, his eyes never seem to be without a glint of mischief.

And thanks to Neal, I now know the origin of the saying: "Green with envy." It was created to describe a glowering Neal as he watched his new wife dance with his equally charming cousin and every other eligible bachelor in the room at their wedding reception nine months ago.

But I am not referring to any of those at the moment. No, I'm referring to the lovely greenish tint that Neal's skin has acquired since he found out his wife is going into labor.

Oh yes, Neal is very green indeed.

* * *

Yey for the color green. I'm actually rather fond of red at the moment though... 

And as promised, KUDOS to SarahE191 for correctly guessing that "G" does indeed stand for Green. I envy your superior guessing skills.


	8. H is for Hungry

Yey. The rest of "F" is for Forest. A year later. You now get to discover the reason for the ring stealing and the "that _wasn't_ food!" comment Dom made in "F"...enjoy. Oh and it's April now!

* * *

To jog your memory a bit...

_"So what was that about?" She asked me._

_"I don't really know," I admitted, "Dom said something about payback for something Neal did."_

_"Yeah that's what he said after you ran away. He also said: 'That _wasn't_ food!' before Neal turned a purple color and launched himself at Dom." She said with an accompanying eye roll. I shook my head. Boys will always be just that. Boys._

_"I guess we'll never know." _

H is for Hungry

…

Dom and I were sitting together on a bench in the palace gardens. Having just escaped the craziness of Neal and Yuki's wedding reception, we were sharing stories about the year that had passed since Neal and Yuki's engagement. I was letting Dom do most of the talking. He was content to retell the stories of his promotion to Commander of the Kings Own, _our_ engagement, and various pranks in great detail while I listened on.

Dom had just finished a story about a prank that would have, if executed correctly, left Lord Raoul covered in butterscotch and daisies the night of his resignation and Dom's promotion. But the plan had backfired, and at the end of the night, Dom had been the one coated in butterscotch and daisies. I laughed, remembering how he had tried to give me a bear hug before attempting to wash himself off.

The tale of the failed butterscotch prank reminded me of another failed prank, almost a year ago, when Dom had stolen the ring of Yuki's finger, but failed to finish the plan before he was caught. I never did get the explanation behind the payback prank. I asked the question again, expecting Dom's usual response of "maybe later."

"Please tell me what Neal did to make you steal Yuki's ring off her finger that night in the forest, O mighty newly appointed Commander of the King's Own," I begged, wondering what was keeping him from telling me.

"Alright, alright, I'll tell you," Dom sighed. I could tell he wasn't excited about the revelation he was about to give, but I was happy all the same. "But promise you won't laugh or get angry." I smiled up at him, nodded, and waited. I wasn't about to let him change his mind.

"It all started with a 'pact' Neal and I made when we were younger," Dom began after a few moments of silence, "we promised each other that if one of us was going to do something incredibly stupid, the other would interfere and prevent the stupidity."

I snickered.

"Hey," he said, "we were young and recovering from one of Uncle Baird's thrashings!" I started to ask what they had done to deserve such, but Dom held up a hand. "Do you want me to finish or not?"

"Yes."

"Well, then don't distract me," he said with mock sternness. "So, a little over a year ago, I was about to do something that Neal considered stupid."

"Which was?" I prompted. Dom turned a bit pink and rubbed his head.

"I was going to propose," Dom muttered, looking away, presumably waiting for the explosion. When I didn't say anything, he continued. "See, I had this ring made," he said as he tapped the ring on my finger, "and I had this huge romantic plan. It was going to be perfect, but Neal thought otherwise. He snuck into my room somehow and stole the ring. In my frantic search for it, I had burst into his room to see him lounging on his bed, twirling it between his fingers. I got a little carried away and started calling him some very foul names before attempting to snatch it back. But he was quicker. He just popped it into his mouth and ate it."

"Ate?" I asked, mystified and horrified at the same time, "as in put it in his mouth and _swallowed_ it?"

"Yeah." Dom said. "And then three days later _he_ went gallivanting off into the forest to propose. Can you see how I would be more than a little annoyed?" He asked. I agreed. I was starting to become a little annoyed as well. Then it hit me.

"He _ate_ it?!" I shrieked, disgust in my voice. Dom grimaced. He had been waiting for this. "_Why is it on my finger?_!"

"I _did_ have it thoroughly cleaned, three times, before I proposed..."

"Hmpf," I grumbled, still a bit sickened that my ring had been _inside_ of Neal. "But Dom, who were you proposing to?" I asked, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

"You," he replied, "It was always you."

"Well then," I began, "_what was his justification for swallowing MY engagement ring_? How could he consider your proposal to me stupid?" I demanded.

"Well you see, Neal was only protecting you. He thought I had let my..." Dom faltered, turning pink again, "erm, 'desires run away with me' as he put it. He said that I had completely lost my mind. I _was_ slightly intoxicated at the time," he admitted with a slight smile, "he then said something about me having no idea how much pain I would have caused you. Why he said that, I wonder..." He trailed off, and it was my turn to turn pink. But Dom kept talking. "He said he would give it back when he was absolutely sure that I was irrevocably in love with you." He finished, giving my forehead a kiss. I was just about to open my mouth to tell him I loved him too, but he spoke first.

"Oh yeah, and he said '_he was hungry_.'"

* * *

I'm hungry too. Anyone have anything tasty?

Oh. And to **Lilyflower**...you are not my friend. And I mean that in the nicest way possible but LOOK:

_H is hungry, isn't it? Did Neal eat something valuable of Dom's? I would guess a ring of his, but unless you're planning to go into 'Dom's First Love', or something like that... and anyway, he was in the Own since Kel was 10, which would make him 17. I doubt he proposed to someone before that (boys in Pierce's books - and history - seem to wait a little longer than girls, who are apparently old maids at 19), and he couldn't after, so..._

Way to totally ruin it for me. I get your logic but in Hallie-land Dom marrying Kel is completely plausible. SO there. Don't mind me, I'm just annoyed that you actually guessed it. Although it probably wasn't the hardest thing to guess...BUT. I'm rambling now so review and maybe I'll put off some more APUSH to write 'I'...


	9. I is for Ignorance

In honor of it being...um Tuesday...Here is "i". For "I LOVE YOU HALLIE FOR UPDATING!!"

**HEM. With this, I change my rating to "T"...you have been warned. ****Oh and keep in mind that they _are_ teenage boys**...

* * *

I is for Ignorance

...

Whoever said that "ignorance is bliss" is completely and unconditionally correct.

There are some things that I desperately wish I had not learned about Neal. I can remember one instance, very clearly, that took place in our early page years, when I was thirteen. I think my innocence was officially ruined that one afternoon. But my corruption continued to grow exponentially in the years that followed. I guess that's what I get for having _boys_ as friends for the majority of my life.

We had just enjoyed a particularly brutal training session that morning, thanks once again, to Neal and his inability to keep his mouth shut. I was so thoroughly exhausted and couldn't believe those boys actually had the energy to talk. I could barely open my mouth to put food in it, let alone chew and swallow. I remember thinking that it was all well and good for them to keep themselves entertained, but couldn't they give the lunch table banter a rest for a day?

**Flashback**

A chorus of laughter and what could only be described as _giggles_ interrupted my thoughts.

I sighed and unwillingly turned my attention from my pessimistic musing to the conversation that was going on around me. I knew that if I didn't pay _some_ attention, it would come back and bite me in the butt later. Like the time last week when the boys had decided _not_ to meet in the library that night for studying...

"--and then you stick it _in_?" I heard Owen whisper in tones closely resembling horror. Excuse me? Just _what_ were these boys talking about? I heard a gasp as Neal gave a knowledgeable nod. "Doesn't it, well..." Owen trailed off, the end of his remark unintelligible. But judging by the snickers he received, I was glad I _hadn't _heard it.

"For who?" Merric demanded of Owen. I made a face. I was beginning to regret my attempt to pay attention.

Owen's mumbled reply was barely audible, and he kept his eyes down, embarrassed. I was beginning to feel a tad bit pink around the edges myself and took a sudden interest in my pie. I decided it was best I remain inconspicuous. And I do love cherry pie.

"Actually," Neal began, "I've heard it's really quite pleas--" He cut off, as the Stump walked by, finishing his remark in a whisper.

Now just _where _had the he heard _that_ from? It was at this point that I started wondering if Neal knew I was actually listening. I had thought, no hoped, that he wouldn't actually _talk_ about that sort of thing in my presence. How wrong I was.

"Oh really Neal?" Seaver asked, in a disbelieving tone, "have you actually _asked_ someone who's, well, _a-hem_?"

I could practically hear Neal's ego inflating. "Of course I have!" He said, shooting death glares around the table. This was a _very_ long lunch. And I was running out of pie.

"Who?"

"Erm," Neal began, and for the first time in the conversation, he turned pink. It was a lovely pink, too. "Well I--"

"Yeah I thought so," Seaver said in triumph. "He hasn't asked anyone! He's just making it all up. Unless of course _he_ has actually, you know..." Seaver trailed off. But no one had any trouble guessing what he had been about to say. I saw Seaver's face change from a look of speculation to one of disbelieving admiration as blood flooded Neal's face. Dark pink this time.

"You _have_?" Owen, Seaver, Merric, and Cleon whispered in unison. I choked on my last bite of pie as Neal made no attempt to correct them. Oh dear. It was amazing that I managed to keep my face smooth and pink-free as every single head turned in my direction.

"Bug?" I said tentatively in response to the open mouths and, in Neal's case, raised eyebrows. Thankfully, the boys believed my answer. Or they were too embarrassed at having been caught talking about _that_ to question it. All except Neal of course. He grinned that wicked grin of his, gave me a wink, and made a show of _not _telling them anything else.

**End Flashback**

Those were the longest five minutes of my life, waiting for the bell that would end lunch. Waiting with nothing to distract me, while all of my friends pestered Neal with questions that he refused to answer. I remember wishing that I had _not _decided to pay attention that day at lunch. I never could look at Neal without being reminded of that particular conversation. And I think he knew it too.

It wasn't until four years later that I learned that Neal had been bluffing.

* * *

Well. EHERM. Review?

Oh and I really _do_ love cherry pie...


	10. J is for Juicy

HEE. SO. Since the** APUSH test was TODAY**...I'm here to celebrate my EPIC FAIL. Because the DBQ choice was LAME. I decided I would post this and then do some more, you know, not studying. Since I have nothing to study for. :D

**Oh and this _is_ completely random. By the way. It's _not_ your imagination. **

* * *

J is for Juicy

...

"MMM," sighed a voice from behind a stack of crates, "I am in peach _heaven_!" I quirked a brow, I would recognize that voice anywhere, even when the owner's mouth was full of food. What was Neal doing behind a pile of wooden boxes? Obviously not seeing to his Healer-ly duties. And as commander of this lovely dirt-hole of a camp, I would have to be the one to fix that.

"Why do peaches get to be so _juicy_?" Neal demanded. I snickered. Sometimes Neal can be so random. "I mean, it's completely unfair!"

"Compared to what, Nealan?" I responded, leaning around the crates. "Surely not yourself."

Neal started at the sound of my voice, and whipped around, an annoyed expression on his face.

"Of course not!" Neal scoffed, "How could a peach be compared to a heavenly being such as myself? I was merely commenting on the un-juiciness state of--other fruits," he finished with as much dignity as a man can possess while slathered in peach juice. "And vegetables, for that matter."

I rolled my eyes. Again with the vegetables. "Ah, I see," I commented, giving him a once-over. It was then that I noticed his clothes, smeared with dried blood and other unidentifiable substances. The ground around him was strewn with pits and half-eaten peaches. "How long have you been here!?" I demanded after counting a good twenty or more peach pits.

"Uh," Neal began, a look of deep concentration clouding his features, "maybe a couple hours?"

"Are you asking _me_?"

"Well, what time is it?"

"Just after midday," I replied, becoming a trifle annoyed myself.

"Midday!?" Neal cried, his voice coming out as a high pitched squeak, "Are you kidding me?"

I gave him a look that clearly said: Do I _look_ like I'm kidding?

"Shoot!" he muttered, lurching to his feet while even more peach pits fell out of the folds of his clothes. He scrambled around the crates and saluted me before turning around and attempting to prance off.

"Hold on just a second there, Queenscove," I said, grabbing a fistful of his tunic. I turned him around to face me, adopting a stern expression. I was about to open my mouth, but Neal beat me to it.

"Before you give me a lecture, let me explain," he began, holding his hands up. I sighed and gave him a nod. He grinned before continuing. "You see, I was on my way to the loo, trying to get a break. You would never believe how many people we had in the infirmary today. Loads! With nearly every non-life threatening injury imaginable! They'll use any excuse to get off work, I swear every single one of them--"

"Yes, Neal, and they will keep coming until you stop examining 'every single one of them!' Get on with it!"

Neal glared and pursed his lips. "Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted...I was on my way to the latrine when I saw these two fellows fighting over a peach. And so, I, being the godly person that I am, resolved the argument by agreeing to accompany them to the peach stores to get another one."

I raised my eyebrows, but Neal kept on talking.

"When we finally found the place where they keep the peaches and when I gave the guy his peach and sent them on their way, I remembered that I hadn't had a peach yet this year. So I figured I would, you know, eat one. And it was so delicious and _juicy_ that I had to have another. And then before I knew it, you showed up."

"That is a really weak argument."

"I know," Neal said, hanging his head in mock shame. "Did it work?"

"Um, no," I said, "it did not work."

"Drat. Well it was worth a shot." Neal muttered. I didn't say anything. "Ehem. As commander of this--establishment--you are well within your rights to punish my naughty self." To this I nodded. "But, you wouldn't, would you?" he asked.

"Why wouldn't I?" I demanded with a quirked eyebrow.

"Because you love me too much," he replied. I scowled. "And I'm older than you."

"That's irrelev--"

"And," interrupted Neal, "you can't deny that I _have_ been working very hard in that hell-on-earth," he said with a gesture towards the infirmary. I sighed; he _did_ look exhausted. Neal leaped, sensing an easy victory. "And 'cause I saved the best peaches for you!" He whispered as he reached into his pockets and drew out two of the most beautiful peaches I had ever seen. How unfair! He was bribing me! I looked back up at his grinning face and back down to the peaches before making my decision.

"Fine!" I snapped, snatching the peaches out of his hands, "But get back to the infirmary before I shove these peaches somewhere unpleasant!"

"Hm, testy," Neal teased, "Be careful when you do that though, you wouldn't want to--" he broke off, ducking as one of the perfect peaches went soaring towards his head. "Such a waste," Neal sighed mournfully as the peach splatted into the dirt, "It was probably so _juicy_, too." He ducked again as the second peach came flying at him. "You need to work on your aim," he said, fluttering his fingers and flouncing out of range before I could get my hands on more ammunition.

"Gah!" I screamed to the air before stalking off in the opposite direction. You can never win with Neal.

* * *

This was inspired by the peachy-scented soap in my bathroom. AND the fact that it STILL isn't peach season yet...-pout-

And 100+ reviews!! -squee- I am UBER happy. Thanks to everyone! You are all way too nice. (**But keep going, I LIKE reviews**)


	11. K is for Karma

Alrighty. "K," here we go. Took me a while do decide which one to chose. I attempted to write K is for Kiss, Kaleidescope, and Kite, but none of them turned out right. SO. You get this instead. :P

* * *

K is for Karma

**...**

"Why is the world is out to get me!?" Neal demanded, throwing his hands up in the air, giving in to his melodramatic tendencies.

"Neal, the world _isn't _out to get you, you brought all of your problems onto yourself," I replied, raising an eyebrow at his seemingly random outburst.

"Excuse me?" He said, affronted, "_I_ brought my problems onto myself?"

"Yes, all of your 'pain and suffering, strife and toil', is all self inflicted."

"Oh, so you're saying that Wyldon's--mean-ness--throughout our page years was _my _fault?"

"Yes," I answered simply.

"What, like karma?" Neal said, his face turning red.

"Sort of," I replied, causing his face to go from red to purple. "Let me explain," I reasoned with him, "and keep your voice down, it's nearly midnight."

"Fine," Neal snapped, crossing his arms and making a huffy noise.

"All of your problems are self-inflicted," I repeated, "every single punishment or beating you've endured is the result or reaction of something you said or did."

Neal glared, but allowed me to continue. "Whenever you said something particularly sarcastic or got in a fight, Wyldon would punish you accordingly because you acted out. It was his retaliation, and you brought it on yourself. Self infliction."

"Or maybe he just doesn't like me!"

"But your punishments were well-deserved! And if you _hadn't_ said anything or got in a fight, then--"

"I wouldn't have gotten punishment," Neal interjected, "but that's not necessarily _good_."

"I didn't say it was good, I just said that your--'_issues_'--are all self inflicted. Most of them wouldn't have occurred if you would have just kept to yourself."

"You know you aren't making any sense," Neal muttered. I sighed. I was making perfect sense; _he_ just couldn't accept the fact that maybe I was right. "What about Yuki then?" He demanded.

"What about her?"

"She's been completely crazy lately! She bites my head off for no reason and she's cranky and irritable and _snappy_. _All the time_. I've been nothing but nice to her, but she still acts as if all her issues have something to do with me! I can never get a word in edgewise when she's goes off on her rants, and I can barely get a moment's rest before she starts up again! How is that _my_ fault? Explain _that_ one!"

I stared at Neal for a moment before answering. I didn't think this was the way Yuki intended Neal to find out, but now was a time just as good as any.

"Neal, it _is_ your fault."

"How so?"

"_You're_ the one who married her and then got her pregnant."

* * *

So true. **It's all Neal's fault**. The world is on fire, the sky is falling, and we're out of chocolate frogs! I know just who to blame: NEAL.

**OH and everyone thank Janni for being AMAZING.**


	12. L is for Love

MMM Love Neal. And ALL of you who read! But not sure if I love this one. Hm, hm, hm...

* * *

L is for Love

…

"Kel?" I heard Neal ask quietly, startling me out of my reverie. We had been sitting in silence for some time, each immersed in thought. It was lack of sleep that brought us out for some air, but it was chance that brought us both_ here_, to one of the many watchtowers that surround the palace.

"Yeah?" I murmured, also keeping my voice low.

"Have you ever...been in love?" he asked, just as he had when I first met him. Last time I had brushed the question off, but the hesitation in his voice prompted me to consider the question seriously.

"I don't know," I answered honestly, "I don't think I know what love feels like. I've experienced infatuation before. That obsession and glorification that crumbles away once you find one flaw in the perfect..." I trailed off, searching for the word, "That prefect_ person _that you made him out to be. I also know what it's like to be in love with the _idea_ of being in love," I murmered, thinking of Cleon.

"Hm," was all Neal said.

"So what _does _love feel like, then?"

"I thought I knew once," Neal told me, "but now I'm not so sure. Once I would have said that you will always know when you are in love, because it's pure passion and adoration. I would have said that love causes misery and so much pain that your heart would burst into a thousand pieces if she doesn't love you back. "

It was silent for a moment as I waited for him to continue.

"I was so ignorant. Love is none of those things. That is infatuation, like you said. Fascination. Lust, even. But not love. " Neal fell silent then, looking down at his hands clenched in his lap. I looked at my friend. I noticed again the dark smudges under his eyes, the unkempt state of his hair, and the tense set of his shoulders. Lack of sleep was really getting to him. I had written it off as wedding anxiety; his wedding to Yuki was only three days away, but now it seemed to be something much deeper.

"Neal," I said, resting a tentative hand on his shoulder, "are you alright?"

"I have been so blind," he whispered, "all this time, thinking I was madly in love. Ha!" he laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "I wasn't. I'm not—I can't!" he burst out a moment later. I stared at Neal, stunned.

"Neal, what are you saying?" I asked slowly, not sure I wanted to hear the answer. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair before answering.

"Nothing. No, don't even worry about it. It's nothing. I'm just being silly. You should get some sleep Kel, I'll see you tomorrow," he said, in a valiant attempt at nonchalance. He got up and walked away, and with a short wave, he was out of sight.

* * *

I'll leave the ending up to you.

And YES. I did steal a line out of Pride and Prejudice. The one with sopping wet hot guy who goes striding through the mist. And with Kiera Knightly. Yeah. THAT one. **Kudos if you noticed!!**

And way to sort of end it THERE huh? I was feeling a little...iffy about this one. So I'll put M up now too


	13. M is for Meathead

OHKHEY. Here it is. I sort of just wrote it and put it up. I didn't feel like sending it to Janni to work her magical grammar skills. Since we, you know, just got back from a 24 day sojourn in CHINA and we're both exhausted. GRIN.

* * *

M is for Meathead

…

I had always wondered where Neal had picked up the name "Meathead." It was such a suiting name, Meathead. And I loved the color his face turned whenever someone used it, sort of a spotty pinkish color that usually meant that an explosion was soon to follow.

Sometimes Neal would get a little carried away when defending himself, and would cause various people to say: "it's just a nickname!" to which Neal would screech "_just_ a nickname?" before stalking off in a huff. In the midst of one such exchange between the joking Merric and the not-so-joking Neal, it occurred to me that in all the years since Dom had revealed Neal's nickname to me, I had never once actually asked how it came about. But I had a strange suspicion that Dom had been the creator of said nickname.

-o-o-o-o-

I started in the direction Neal had taken, and caught up with him as he entered the palace infirmary.

"Yes?" he queried, still irked. I saw no point in dancing around the bush, especially since the bush in question was susceptible to bursting into flame when aggravated.

"I was just wondering where you actually acquired the name "Meathead,"" I said casually, watching him out of the corner of my eye for signs of violence. He inspected me with narrowed eyes before answering.

"No."

"But—"

"No," he repeated, glaring. I glared right back. I had no intention of backing down. It took me five more minutes of heckling to persuade him to speak.

"Well, if you must know," he began in haughty tones, "it was when I was ten or so, and my cousin Domitan had been visiting. We had been up on the roof of the stables, throwing apples at unsuspecting passerby. And—what's so funny?" he demanded in response to my snickers.

"Nothing," I said, "throwing apples and random strangers is just something I can picture a little Neal doing."

Neal made a little _hmpfh_ noise and continued his story.

"So after about fifteen minutes of apple throwing, the butcher decided to go for a walk, and I had the last apple."

"Oh Neal, you didn't!" I said, a huge grin on my face, "the butchers are the ones with _knives_."

"I did," he said solemnly, but humor twinkled his eyes, "and it hit him smack in the back of the head, too."

"What did he do?"

"Well, he whirled around, and I wasn't fast enough. He saw my attempt to duck and yelled some pretty foul things and went about shaking his fist at me, telling me I would pay. I didn't believe him at the time, and told him as much, so I went about my business. I was walking to the privy one morning, and something wet and dripping blood smacked right into the back of my head."

"Meat, I'm guessing?"

"It took me two days to get the stench of it out of my hair," he muttered darkly, "and three day to make the dogs leave me alone."

-o-o-o-

"Neal told me the story about the butcher and the apples," I told Dom two days later as we were walking to nowhere in particular.

"Oh?" replied Dom, looking slightly confused.

"Yeah, he said you wouldn't let him forget it, and that's how the name "Meathead" was born."

"Really? 'Cause that's not how _I_ remember it."

"Well, how _do_ you remember it then?" I queried, slightly curious. I paid attention to Dom for the first fifteen minutes or so of his narrative. I had only asked for an explanation, not a complete retelling of every moment leading up to the actual first uttering of the nickname. I snapped back to attention after Dom finished his (nearly) verbatim recital of the "nickname incident" and started poking me in the arm.

"So you see, it really wasn't Neal at all who gets to take credit. Or the butcher for that matter," Dom said after he was sure I was listening. "It was all me."

"Really?" I said, with heavy sarcasm. Dom didn't catch it. He just nodded and puffed out his chest a little. "Right after you dumped him in the barrel of meat scraps, right?" I clarified, grasping at the one thing I remembered from those first fifteen minutes.

"Yep!" Dom chirped happily.

-o-o-

Another two days later saw me in the palace infirmary after an unfortunate accident involving my glaive, my toe, a flight of stairs, and a wickedly sneaky Neal.

"You're lucky your toe wasn't sliced completely off," Duke Baird commented as he wrapped a bandage around the injured toe.

"_Neal's_ the lucky one," I corrected. "With this bandage, I won't be able to kill him properly now."

"Oh? My Meathead of a son was responsible?"

"Oh yes. Our dear Meathead at his very best," I muttered. Duke Baird handed me a cup of _something_ and ordered me to drink.

"Other than the time he was four and thought that 'meat' was actually pronounced 'feet,'" Baird said with a chuckle as I choked on my drinkable _something_. "He went around saying: 'can I have some feet for dinner papa?' His mother used to call him her 'Little Meathead' because he was absolutely positive the rest of us were incorrect."

I stared. "What did the think feet were called?"

Duke Baird shrugged. "None of us ever thought to ask."

-o-

I limped away from the infirmary shaking my head. Three different stories told by three different people with varying degrees of believability. It didn't take me long to decide Duke Baird's story was most likely the truth.

_But what about Neal's story? Or Dom's?_ I wondered as I continued to limp down the hall, stopping frequently to give my injured toe a rest. It was on one of these rests that I became aware of a muffled thumping noise accompanied by swearing coming from somewhere down the hall.

I looked around and discovered that the noise was coming from a closet to my right. I grinned, recognizing the closet. It was the closet I had somehow managed to stuff Neal in, while I was bleeding profusely from my right toe, before I lurched off to the infirmary an hour before.

I scooted closer to the closet and whipped the door open.

"Hallo there Meathead," I grinned at him as he stumbled into the hall. "Fancy seeing you here."

* * *

WHOOOOO. That was LONG. Review if you actually read all the way to the end…jeesh.


	14. N is for Neal

Of course. What else?

I tried to make this chapter memorable...So here's something a little different…the dots separate two different takes on Neal as a husband and as a friend.

P.S. Sorry for any mistakes you might find. I just wanted to be done with this thing so I posted it without sending it to Janni.

* * *

N is for Neal

…

Part I

I had to hand it to Neal and Yuki. This was going to go down in history as one of the most memorable wedding receptions of all time. I was sure of it. Between the frenzied dancing, wild music, various contests, exotic foods, and the highly alcoholic rice wine that was being passed around, it was hard to keep track of everything. There seemed to be several different parties going on at once, and people were having the time of their lives.

After what seemed like hours, I finally managed to pull myself away from the growing crowd of men that were eager to test their strength in an arm wrestling match against the Lady Knight. I waved away the dismayed protests, assuring them that there were plenty of other opportunities for them to prove their masculinity. I got several raunchy jokes in response, but they didn't bother me. It was all in good fun.

I made my way towards an empty table and sat with a contented smile, watching the dancers. As far as parties go, this was by far the best I had ever been to. As the song changed, I watched Dom drag a flushed Yuki out on to the dance floor and Neal pluck a pretty blond out of a giggling pile of girls who looked suspiciously like party crashers.

I laughed at her surprised expression, clapping my hands in time with the music as I watched the couples whirl around the dance floor. The dance ended with a flourish and I watched Neal bow to his partner before turning with a grin to find another unsuspecting girl. I snickered at the dreamy smile that had plastered itself on her face and motioned to my table when she turned around to look for a place to sit.

"Who _was_ that handsome fellow with the green eyes?" the pretty blond asked me as she sank into the chair next to me. I grinned before answering.

"That would be Nealan of Queenscove," I replied. Oh yes, she was most definitely a party crasher.

"Oh, I see," the blond said, a peculiar expression gracing her features as she realized she had been dancing with the groom. "Does he always flirt so…mercilessly?"

"Mercilessly?" I asked, confused. In all the years I have known Neal, I have never known him to be _merciless_. He's a Healer! How can a Healer be merciless?

"Yes," she said with a sigh, "he get's a girls hopes up, dancing with her and being perfectly charming, and then leaves her before she finds out he's been married for two hours, completely smashing her hopes to pieces."

"Yep," I said, laughing again. "That's Neal for you."

We sat for a little while longer, enjoying glasses of punch and chatting about other men with a flirtatious nature. Before long, our attention was drawn to the middle of the dance floor where Neal and Yuki were finishing a dance to a sickeningly romantic song. As they completed the last swooping twirl, the crowd burst into applause that quickly turned into cheers and whoops as Neal gave Yuki a very thorough kiss before scooping her up in his arms and carrying her out of the ballroom.

I watched them go, grinning from ear to ear. They were perfect together. Absolutely perfect.

•••

Part II

Somehow I always knew Neal would be the one to finally push me over the edge.

"No," he said flatly, squaring his shoulders and stepping directly into my path.

"Why not?" I asked, incredulous.

"Because I said so!"

"What are you my mother now?" I snapped, letting my customary mask slip. I didn't have time for this.

"I might as well be! You need someone to keep you from doing stupid things!" He yelled at me, waving his hands in the air. "And this is one of those things!"

"You have absolutely no right to stop me," I said quietly, a rare anger coursing through my veins.

"I have every right! I am your best friend! And without me, you would probably be dead by now!"

"Oh really?" I yelled back, my mask in pieces on the floor, "and what about _you_? How many times have I saved your sorry skin?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.

"Neal, you are my best friend. But if you do not get out of my way, I will have to hurt you." I said, quiet again. He didn't move.

"Kel, this is foolish and pointless. I can't let you go through with it." He said firmly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You don't know that."

"There's nothing you can do," he said, looking at me with poorly disguised pity. A rage I didn't know existed possessed me. I was angrier than I had ever remembered. Angrier than the time Blyce had stolen my refugees and set killing machines on my friends and family. Angrier than the time Joren kidnapped Lalasa and hid her on the Needle. I didn't think. I couldn't think.

I hit him.

I watched in a detached sort of way as my fist made contact with his face and as he stumbled from the force of the blow. I watched as he straightened up, his hand going to his face, a look of surprise, hurt, and disbelief in his eyes. He didn't say anything, he just moved back into the doorway and braced himself.

For the first time in a long time I felt the beginnings of tears prick the corners of my eyes. I turned away and we stood in silence for a few minutes. I knew he was right. Deep down, I knew. He was always right. I heard him move away from the door and stand next to me. He put a hand on my shoulder and turned me to face him.

"There's nothing you can do," he repeated, putting his other hand on my cheek.

"I know," I told him, with a weak smile, "where would I be without you, right?"

* * *

I can hear your thoughts: "After four months..._this_ is what she comes up with?!"...Heh. Oh and just so you know, the second part takes place several years in the future...as to the reason behind the second part...I'll leave that up to you.

Thanks for reading!

* * *


	15. O is for Okay

What? Another update?! She must have tons of homework or something...

Ok. Or Okay? I don't know. Someone please tell me.

* * *

O is for Okay

…

I couldn't believe it. In less than twenty-four hours my best friend was going to be a married man. And from the look on his face, he couldn't believe it either. After watching in pity as he attempted to eat breakfast, I had practically forced him to accompany me on a walk through the Royal Forest to clear his mind. But it didn't look like the fresh air was doing him much good. The worry line that had appeared on his forehead about a week ago absolutely refused to smooth out, and he had just finished running a hand through his hair for the thirty first time since we had entered the Forest.

"Neal?" I asked, hesitantly. "Are you okay?"

"I hate that question," Neal muttered darkly. I raised an eyebrow. "It's just _pointless_."

"How so?"

"That question is often asked when the answer is obvious. If someone's lying on the ground in agony, then of course they aren't 'okay.' And if they're right back up, on their horse, they _are_ okay. It's not really necessary to ask if they are okay if they are so obviously _not_. Or are."

"MMhmmm," I hummed, humoring him. I would listen to any complaint of his--no matter how stupid--because that meant that he was perfectly fine.

"And another thing! People ask that question to make it seem like they really care. If they _actually_ cared, they would say something a little more compassionate."

"Like what?"

"I don't know," Neal said, throwing a hand into the air, "how about...'are you alright?'"

"How is that any different?" Now he was being silly. But as long as he wasn't gouging his eyeballs out in a fit of wedding anxiety, I was happy.

"It's more compassionate."

"Really?" I said sarcastically, not convinced, causing Neal to shoot me a glare.

"Or they could say: 'are you going to _be_ okay?' or 'are you going to suffer any lasting damage?" or even "will you ever be better than you are now?"

I didn't say anything. I just turned to look at him.

"It's just a stupid question, alright!" he snapped, shoving his hands in his pockets and stalking off in a random direction. I caught up to him easily, and we continued to walk in silence. After about ten minutes, I was opening my mouth to ask him where we were going when Neal's foot caught on a tree root and he went sprawling, sending dirt and bits of leaf in all directions. I tried very hard not to laugh.

"Neal?" I ventured once the dust had settled. I got a muffled _mmmpfffooo_ in response and couldn't resist. "Are you okay?"

* * *

Wrote this while watching the election. HOORAY for multi-tasking! AND procrastination.


	16. P is for Priorities

Ok. Fun stuff. Not my best but I'm tired of looking at it.

* * *

P is for Priorities

…

"Eat your vegetables," I told Neal out of habit, not even bothering to look at his plate; I knew he wasn't eating them. When I didn't hear Neal's customary complaints, I looked up to make sure he was still sitting across from me. "They're good for you," I said, repeating what I had said all those years ago when I first met him.

"They may be," he agreed, "but it's all about priorities, my dear Keladry."

"Priorities?" I asked with a quirked brow.

"Yes. If I'm about to be called to battle, I don't want to faint on the field because I wasted all my time eating vegetables. I want to eat my meat first, for strength, and then some pie for energy. Sugar, is a great energy booster, you know." He added in a whisper, grinning at the look on my face.

"Yeah, because fighting with scurvy is so much fun."

"As if _I_ could get scurvy!" he scoffed, waving a pompous hand in dismissal. But there was a twinkle in his eyes that suggested that he was not at all serious.

"And you call yourself a Healer," I said, shaking my head.

"Good Healer or not," he began, "you have to admit that I am particularly adept when it comes to the art of prioritizing."

"You know, I'm not so sure you are,"

"What makes you say that?" He demanded, waving his fork in the air. "_How_ can you say that after all those years we spent together? You were a firsthand witness to my superior prioritizing skills!" He cried, his fork dangerously close to flying out of his hand. "What about when I chose to read a good book instead of beating things with sticks? Or when I chose to go with you on your nightly hall patrols instead of doing my schoolwork?"

"I wasn't referring to all that," I told him, smiling innocently.

"Then what _were_ you referring to?" He said, his eyes narrowed.

"Oh, nothing," I said loftily, poking a healthy looking carrot with my fork and inspecting it before biting it in half. I took my time chewing, watching the glare I was receiving grow in deadliness with each passing second. "Apart from all this nonsense about not eating vegetables…" I trailed off, watching his face start to turn red. "I just always thought that you were supposed to get married _before_ you have a baby…"

I didn't even make it ten feet before I found myself on the ground with Neal's knee holding me down and his hand stuffing soggy vegetables down the back of my shirt. As I picked bits of soggy vegetable out of my hair later that night, I wondered if he was actually angry with me...

Apparently he was. The next night saw me, once again, seated across from Neal in the mess hall. He ate in a stony silence, didn't even touch his vegetables, and refused to even look at me.

"If you eat your vegetables, I shall apologize on bended knee," I told him, when the silence became annoying. He glared at me for a few seconds before spearing the most miserable carrot I had ever seen, plopping it into his mouth, and swallowing it whole.

"Happy now?" He demanded, reaching for a jug of fruit juice to "wash out the taste."

* * *

Just a little what-if. Yum.

And would you look at that? A shiny new review button. And its GREEN. How could you NOT click it!?


	17. That Little Pause Between P and Q

This doesn't really fit in with the others. It has more to do with Kel, but the 'him' _is_ Neal.

**Inspired by Coldplay** and their amazing concert last Friday night. This is what happens when I hear Coldplay...I try to sing (loudly and not always in the shower), and I try to write. So you can thank them if it's awesome...and blame them if it's not... :)

* * *

That Little Pause Between P and Q  
_(Where You Stop To Take A Breath)  
…_

I couldn't quite place the feeling.

I didn't know if I wanted to be sick, dance around and sing, hit something, laugh hysterically, or burst into tears. I couldn't focus long enough on one emotion to put a name to it. I was everywhere at once. I was gripping the folds of my dress tightly, to keep my hands from shaking. I was perched on the edge of my seat, ready to run, while my feet were ground into the dirt to keep myself in place. And I kept glancing around, searching for _anything._

My stomach twisted into knots as my eyes fell on the empty altar, and gave a lurch as I realized that something was wrong. Where was he? Minutes passed with agonizing slowness. I could hear my heart beating loudly, faster than the passing seconds. And still I couldn't make up my mind; I was torn. There was a war raging between the part of me that wanted him to show and the selfish part that didn't.

A hush fell over the crowd, and as I turned to see him standing just outside the doorway, my mouth went dry. He looked pale, as pale as I'd ever seen him. He took a deep breath, set his shoulders, and strode confidently down the aisle. As he walked past me, he caught my eye, and my stomach fell to the floor. He was smiling. I couldn't help but smile back, even as a small piece of my heart caved in. This was the end.

Nothing would ever be the same.

* * *

"And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me, all in a rush to the start."   
-Coldplay, "The Scientist"


End file.
